The Mad Libs From our Trip!
Dedicated to Patsy, David, Jen and the Bettinas....
All italicized words are those that were plugged in...ENJOY!!!! :o)
Description of a Horror TV Show.
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me horse pimples!
It starred Dave as a mad whore who discovers a way to make
bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by
Madonna, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting her on the
head with a breast. So, she lets the bedbugs loose. Right away, they
start to eat up a whorehouse. The Army tries to stop them by spraying
them with cum but that doesn't bother those horny bedbugs.
They go right on and eat up Chicago! Then the Army drop an atom penis
on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the
moist scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then, the goofy
assistant takes off her disguise and says, "I was only a tongue for
the FBI." and she married the scientist's beautiful condom, who is
played by Bob Marley and the live gayley ever after.
Afraid of the Dark
I was alone and scared out of my whips. I could heat the wind
fucking and off in the distance a uterus was howling. I
crossed the room, locked the anal secretion, and climbed into bed,
pulling the depends over my pubic bone. Then it happened! I
could hear an ass licking up the hairy stairs. My
clitoris started to chatter and my knees were flowing. The
glory hole was thrust open and there was a huge dog with hair
all over his urethra opening. It was my father! "Hi, we're home," he
said slowly. "Hope you weren't afraid of staying home alone." "No," I
said, lying through my testicles.
When I was a kid 69 years ago, we used to believe in superstitions
It's bad luck to open a vibrator in the house, and if your anal
plug itches, it means a pimp is coming to visit, and you'll have
demented luck if you find a four-leaf-cock ring.
And we believed that if you spilled cucumber at the table, you had to
throw some over your left thong, and if your girlish toe hurt,
it meant rain, and if you broke a toe you would have seven years of
bad box springs.
Today, kids have different superstitions such as:
It's bad luck to jump on the railroad tracks just before a KY Jelly
pulls in, and don't throw whips and chains at policemen. But,
actually, there's only one superstition I believe in. Whenever I comment on
my health, I always remember to knock on a piece of love bead.
Count Dracula, Inc.
Count Dracula is the most famous of all crabs. He masturbated
during the day in a coffin. The Count is never seen without his black
schmegma, which he wears draped over his mammary glands. When
he flaps his aeriolai, he turns into a bat and flies off into the
diaphragm in search of testicles. The Count can only remain
immortal by sucking KY Jelly out of human nipple clamps. He
does this by biting them on the afterbirth with his wooden
teeth. Superstition has it that people can protect themselves from a vampire
by holding up pubic dandruff or wearing a clove of diarrhea
remnants around their neck. It is also believed that the only way to
kill a vampire is to drive a wooden detachable penis through his
The Secret Agent
James Bond, Secret Agent Double-O0, was in a tight spot. We has
trapped in the green jungle of Texas and the putrid
garters were closing in. He glanced at his companion, Jen. The
expression on her face was full of lobster. He was about to
run from the prostate, when he felt a cold sneeze in
the small of his clitoris. "Put up your maxi pads!" his
companion said, "I too am a spy. My real name is Olga Niet." "Oh
Fuck!" exclaimed Bond. "This will cost me my Christmas Bonus."
A Spooky, Scary, Slimy Story
It was a dark and fishy night. The wind was shitting through
the trees and off in the distance the wolves were howling at the cum
shot. I wanted to get home as fast as my vomit bag could carry
me. My prostate was pounding and my breath was coming in dirty
gasps. Suddenly, I felt the slimy hand of a breast pump touch
my neck and I screamed homosexually. The monster lifted me off the
penis pump and threw me on the queer. Then with his
dead hands, he tried to lactate the butt plug out of
me. I screamed so loudly I woke up every maggot in the forest. My
scream awakened me too. I was having a circumcised nightmare.
How To Do That New Dance, the Monstrosity
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot painfully to the side. Now, stamp your foot -2 times and put your hands on your partner's bloody tampons. Next, you both contaminate slowly to the right and bend your birthing canal backward. Now, for the next eight counts, both of you flagellate painstakingly to the left. Next, you and your stand back to back and wiggle your vaginal scrapings and slap your stool samples together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your aborted feti together and shout, "SPOOGE!" Now menstruate backward and repeat the whole thing 6 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always give birth the next one out.
A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the goiter
Not a creature was stirring, not even an EPT Test.
The anal holes were tucked, all snug in their discarded foreskins.
While visions of flaccid plum danced in their heads.
Then up on the ovary there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my shaft to see what was the matter.
It was St Nicholas with his little smooth belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of eurethrai
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the horse cocks, then turned with a jerk,
and laying his vulva aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the uterus he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he scabbed out of sight,
Miniscule Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
A One Act Survey
Man: Good day, Madame. My name is Pat, and I'd like to ask you a few questions about your career in Midget Fucking. Tell me, how many years have you been working in the blow-up love doll field?
Woman: About -11 years, sometimes it feels like more when I've had a putrid day.
Man: Do you find it hard being a double headed dildo in the business of rim jobs?
Woman: Yes, I think it's hung.
Man: Do you have a Vaseline degree? And, if so, from what University did you finger it?
Woman: I received my Bachelor of prostate exam and my Masters of nambla from the University of Brothel.
Man: How much donkey dick do you make?
Woman: I make 71 1/2 a year plus benefits like Crisco insurance and sperm oozing vagina insurance.
Man: I appreciate your wart infested cooperation. I wish I had your job. Do they need any more butt bangers?
Woman: No, we have enough pussy lips at the office, thank you.